You Must Love Me
by Mimi The Muse
Summary: Between "Redux" and "Redux II", Scully ponders the special relationship she has with Mulder as she lay dying from cancer.


Title: You Must Love Me

Author: Sienna Wilson

Fandom: The X-Files

Character: Dana Scully

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own The X-Files or the song "You Must Love Me" (from the Evita soundtrack) and I will be making no profit from the use of them here.

A/N - Written in 2002, reworked in 2008 for 100women LJ prompt challenge

Summary: Between "Redux" and "Redux II", Scully ponders the special relationship she has with Mulder as she lay dying from cancer.

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o/ Where do we go from here?  
This isn't where we intended to be o/

Mulder, I watch you sleeping in a plastic hospital chair at my bedsideand I think of how we never thought our end would come like this. A hidden killer has surfaced, and we both know that this is one enemy wecannot fight, even together. As much as I want to deny it, as much as Idid deny it at first, I am a scientist and I cannot deny it any all the dangers we have faced, cancer has become the most unsuspectedfoe.

o/ We had it all...you believed in me, I believed in you o/

I look back at our years together and realize just how special thosetimes were. I never expected the first time I ventured into the basementthat I would meet the closest friend and ally I have ever known. Yourconstant and unwavering belief in me has been like nothing else I've everexperienced. And it is that belief that has kept me going, kept us going,through some very trying times. I believe in you too, Mulder. You have noidea how much I believe in you. And I don't know if you ever will.

o/ Certainties disappear What do we do for our dreams to survive? o/

What happens now, Mulder? What happens to all the dreams we shared onlate night cases? And what happens to the truth we've sought at allcosts? What we have now is only a piece, and I do believe there is moreout there. I can only pray that my end will not end your search for yoursister and you will expose the truth of the conspiracy that was revealedto us in that basement office. But nothing is certain anymore.

o/ How do we keep all our passions alive as we used to do? o/

There is a bond between us that I can only just begin to explain. Farbeyond that of a FBI partner, perhaps even beyond that of a soul mate. Wehave a passion for each other as partners in life. And as long as westill have that passion between us, I can keep fighting until theinevitable happens.

o/ Why are you at my side?  
How can I be any use to you now? o/

You have been at my side since I first received the diagnosis and youstill at my side now when the end is becoming so frighteningly the exception of my family, everyone else has moved away from me. Itis almost as if the stench of death is upon me and they're afraid it willbecome contagious. But you, Mulder, you have never stopped treating methe way you always have. Sick or not, in your eyes I still am and alwayswill be your Scully. How can I even begin to show my gratitude? In all likelihood I will notleave this hospital. I will never be able to fight another mutant orconspiracy at your side. You know this, you have to know this, but you'restill here. I hope you will realize just how much it means to me. Howmuch you mean to me.

o/ Give me a chance and I'll let you see how nothing has changed o/

Please, Mulder, forget for a while how much things have changed. Proposea theory to me, and let me show you that while I am weak in body, I amnot weak in mind. I will never be weak in mind. I will always be willingto play argue from the skeptic's side with you. Not everything dies alongwith the body.

o/ Deep in my heart I'm concealing things that I'm longing to say o/

There are things I want to tell you, Mulder, but I can't. It's as if I'mafraid saying them will speed up my end. Perhaps it's some delusion thatif I don't say good-bye until the very end, it will somehow prolong thearrival of the inevitable. I can only hope somehow you already know whatI want to say.

o/ Scared to confess what I'm feeling Frightened you'll slip away o/

I have always been the strong one, at least from your point of I don't think you could view me as weak even if you tried. Iwish I could confess to you how helpless I feel right now. But I fearthat if I let you know all the anxiety I have inside of me, your faiththat somehow, just because I am Scully, I will get through this willvanish. It's the strength of that belief that keeps me going. My life is slipping away, and the science I have grown to rely on can donothing for me.

I'm afraid, Mulder.

o/ You must love me o/

You've stuck by me through thick and thin for five years. Whendifficulties have the blocked my path, you stayed at my side and helpedme get over them. You respected me when I debunked your theories, andnever feared conceding when the facts proved me to be right. Throughfamily deaths, conspiracies, scorn from our peers in the bureau, sicknessand injury, and the unspeakable horror we've encountered on some cases,you've been there every step of the way. And now, as I face my finaldays, you are still at my side.

You must love me, Mulder. I know you love me.

And I love you too.


End file.
